Sex can be characterized as an act of joyful discharge where people share their most special moments. In post-sex expectations, relaxation is expected with orgasm and ejaculation. In some cases, one or both people may not be able to orgasm at once, and there may be many reasons underlying this. But we will talk about why you get sad after a good sex. 

Is it normal to cry after sex?

There is, of course, a scientific explanation for why you want to cry even though nothing bad happened during sex. During sex, hormone levels in the body change and the level of dopamine in the body rises considerably. As you get closer to orgasm or ejaculation, the dopamine level rises and creates great happiness and pleasure in the body. After ejaculation (even if there is no orgasm), changes in hormones begin to occur. The hormone prolactin, which is used to produce milk in women, starts to spread throughout the body after ejaculation and starts to suppress the hormone dopamine. Dopamine, which is already in short supply, becomes ineffective against prolactin. 

The sudden cessation of the feeling of quality happiness that you experience when dopamine hormone is secreted abundantly and the unhappiness that comes with the prolactin hormone spreads throughout your body can drag you into a sad and depressed mood and even cause you to cry. So this is not really a problem. It is a biological and normal situation that only works on a hormonal level. This condition is called “post-coital tristesse/post-coital dysphoria”. 

The hormone prolactin is secreted in men as well as in women, and the same feeling of unhappiness can occur in men. The reactions of people in this sad situation may vary. Sometimes you may shut down and lie down with sadness, sometimes you may want to get away from your partner, and sometimes you may succumb to the urge to cry. In scientific studies, it has been observed that the desire to stay away can last between 5 minutes and 2 hours. 

There is no problem in experiencing melancholy after sexual intercourse occasionally, but if it occurs after every relationship, you should urgently seek treatment for this. Because in the long run, this situation may lead to situations such as your partner feeling inadequate, questioning your sexuality and your relationship. In this case, you should make an appointment for psychologist, psychiatrist or couples therapy. 

Could there be a psychological basis for melancholy after sex?

The reasons mentioned above are hormonal and can happen to anyone. But could there be other underlying causes of PCD (post-coital dysphoria)? Of course there can be. 

It is possible to find psychological problems under many diseases that are revealed by the reaction of the human body to what it experiences. Especially in sexual dysfunctions, these problems are very common. We can list the underlying psychological reasons for PCD for you as follows;

  • Past traumas such as sexual abuse can trigger this condition. People who have been victims of sexual abuse in the past may associate this situation with their trauma and become sad even if they have consensual sexual intercourse. Especially people with post-traumatic stress disorder may experience this situation in all sexual relationships throughout their lives if they do not receive treatment. 
  • Victims of physical or emotional abuse can be triggered in the same way as victims of sexual abuse.
  • Seeing sexual conversations or sexual acts of the mother and father on top of the incompatibility in the family structure may make the child think that sexuality is related to violence and cause him/her to question sexuality or trigger PCD.
  • For people who have an emotional bond with their partner, the fact that they have not yet resolved the problems between them is also a trigger. Unresolved resentment or anger within the couple can cause a depressive state after sex.
  • The person may fall under the influence of PCD because he/she does not want to reject the other party and approves of the relationship.
  • People who avoid sex for religious reasons may question themselves after sex and may be affected by sadness.
  • As with religious reasons, people who are under a lot of family and social pressure may flounder with shame and regret after sexual intercourse and this may cause the person to distance himself/herself from his/her partner. 
  • People who have problems with their own body structure may feel stress and sadness when they share their bodies with the other person.
  • People who do not have much experience of sexual intercourse may experience low self-esteem and melancholy with performance anxiety, questioning whether they can make the other person happy and whether the other person enjoys it.
  • There are also some researchers who argue that some people are more prone to melancholy after sex without an underlying trauma. Their research suggests that some people are genetically predisposed to post-sex blues.
  • Not being physically aroused enough is a big reason for triggering PCD. 

How can I get rid of the post-sex blues?

First of all, check whether you are sure that you are ready for sex to happen. You don't have to have sex if you don't really want it or if you don't desire the other person. You should not make love to make the other person happy. 

If you have a relationship you want and you feel sad afterwards, know that there are biological reasons for this. If this is becoming more frequent, then it is time to seek help from a specialist. A psychiatric treatment process will be tailored specifically for you. After treatment, you will become a more self-confident individual and positive improvements in your social relationships will be noticed by everyone.